I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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