They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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