A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
