You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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