I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
