One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize