my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize