So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Acid is not a monday night drug
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
