as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.