The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.