PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.