Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Randomize
Follow @tfln