Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up