I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.