My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
