Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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