ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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