Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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