Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
