At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
As shirtless as possible
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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