Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
