Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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