Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
