Do you still have your period?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
