i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
