This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
