I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
