Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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