god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
