bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he fucked my hip out of place.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
