She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize