thus making me awesome and them whores
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
