I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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