We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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