I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
