I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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