I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
