woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
