I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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