Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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