Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
