why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
