Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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