he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
