my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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