you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
