you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I love you. Go after that dick
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
