I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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