I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sext me about skeletons
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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