I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
