Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
