Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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