When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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