So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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