'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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