What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
