goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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