FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
