Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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