Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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