Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the day after is always just damage control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize