we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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