I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
