She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
