did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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